As tacky as it is to admit I started the new year with a new year new me kind of attitude. Something I have honestly done a trillion times up to this point in life. No surprise there though doesn’t everyone isn’t that the point in new year’s resolutions? Why gym memberships go up in price and you can’t find a treadmill in the month of January. Regardless of how “basic” it may be, I set my intentions anyways. You know the usual things I wanted to be more grateful, motivated, patient, kind, a better parent, partner, student, daughter, and friend. I wanted to drink more water and eat healthier and start taking care of my body of course first that would involve actually being present inside it but who has time for minor details when looking at the big picture. My motto for life I want to be I want to have but I don’t want to take the tedious steps to get there because blah it’s more fun in fantasy where it comes so easy. So, the usual list of sh*t to change about myself was formed. Basically, a sh*t list of why I’m not good enough and allowed to love who I am. If I was more of …. than I would…. the endless narrative I’ve heard so many times before. However, this time it feels different it feels like that feeling where you just know you mean it this time. You aren’t sure how or why or what’s different, but you feel like this is your last first step at making something more for yourself. Making a day to day more in line with who you truly are. This time you’re really going to do it. I recently had this feeling a few months ago in July when I decided to quit smoking a task, I had attempted many, many times before. This time I just knew I was no longer a smoker I was going to be successful. This same feeling came about me in this moment I just know I was going to change my life.
With my new goals and intentions set I set off making the changes I intuitively felt was necessary. One of my big beliefs was that my gut health was affecting my mental health and why my moods tended to swing so drastically. This led to me detoxing parasites out of my body that TikTok convinced me existed and introducing probiotics. Was this helpful? Well, the review is still pending on that really. I’m 22 days into a 30-day cleanse. All I can say is that somethings had to have been eliminated in the first few weeks. I am not a doctor though and I don’t know that it’s something anybody else should ever do. I also started drinking more water. Got off birth control for the first time since puberty to regulate my own hormones. Every day just taking steps that I believed would help me be a better version of myself. Making vision boards of the things I would have if I was the person I want to be. Journaling, meditating, painting, dancing, and doing yoga. I just kept continuing to ask myself what I would do, be, say, if I was the person I want to be. This mindset led me to start cleaning out my life. not just mentally but physically as well. How does my physical environment represent that person. Do I have space for yoga. The tools to teach my children. The food to start a diet.
One day while cleaning all my witchy fun things that I’ve collected over the last 3 or 4 years or so a calendar fell into my lap. The symbols were intriguing, I love the beauty of the calendar. I love the esthetic of witchy things. Ever since I was a child, I liked to imagine myself a witch. I like mixing potions together and setting beautiful intentions for what the purpose of that spell will be. Do I believe in actual magic? Unsure really, I have moments in my life beyond my ability to explain with logic, but my logic still likes to have its day in court when the verdict is to be read. My beliefs on witchcraft can be a story of another day. The calendar that fell into my lap was one of the pagan holidays. Curious I reviewed the holidays present and noticed the next holiday in line was Imbolc on February 1st through 2nd. I put that in the back of my mind and carry on with my life. Days later the thought of the holiday and what it means again pops into my mind, and I decide to look it up. Why not? I learn that it’s an ancient Celtic festivity that celebrates the goddess Brigid or St. Brigid in a more Christian interpretation the patron saint or goddess of Irish nuns, newborns, and midwives. She is linked to dairymaids, milk, and cattle. She is associated with milk, fire, home, and babies. I am in no way an expert just the short story and history as I understand it from what I quickly researched. What stood out the most to me was some of the themes and quotes from the different articles I read as follows:
“This is a time of leaving what is safe and comfortable in order to grow more fully into yourself.”
“a time about growth, change, letting go of things that no longer serve you.”
“Real change requires us to let go of what’s familiar and comfortable.”
“Set aside what you know and step into a new way of being.”
What I gathered is that Imbolc is about facing the challenges that need to be faced. Taking the action steps needed to grow, change, and release the old stale energy of a version of yourself that no longer fits. You survived the winter which can be a time of isolation, deep emotions, introspection, and hermit lifestyle. Working on yourself and seeing yourself realistically to change is not always easy no matter how bad you want the change. Change is hard and uncomfortable. You must feel it first to let it go and feeling it can feel like a weight on your chest. However, doing the work will bring about a new life force energy in you just as going through this season and time on the calendar will build up into spring where new life will grow. The seeds you plant now will be nourished if you take the time to water them and give them sun. I thought the message was so beautiful and right on track with the type of energy I was asking to bring in the new year. Messages delivered perfectly on time a theme I’ve experienced before in my life that leads me to believe I have some purpose I may not be aware of yet. I decided then to celebrate Imbolc because why not?
To celebrate I learned how to make a Brigid’s cross which was quite challenging to understand at first but once you get it down seems overwhelmingly simple and makes you feel slightly silly for having struggled to grasp the concept. I made a Brigid doll which was probably my favorite part of all the celebration. I painted a beautiful picture of my understanding of the goddess based on description which allowed me to express my creativity which is another theme of the goddess that is often utilized to celebrate. I set up an altar of white flowers and candles as I read it is a tribute to the goddess of fire. In doing this I awakened so much excitement and creativity that I haven’t felt in a long time. It was fun to learn and create this space. Another form of honoring the goddess on Imbolc is to spring clean. Cleanliness is a staple of Brigid. So, I did just that I deep cleaned my environment and organized my things getting rid of things that no longer serve me and finding renewed value in bringing attention to the things I possess. I cleanse out the old to make way for the new and felt as though my space was open and ready to accept an all-new version of me. I’ve always loved the feeling after freshly rearranging things in your home it always feels comforting to have something new where the energy and routines haven’t been established yet.
My mother-in-law randomly asked to take the kids on the day of celebration so I had plenty of alone time to reflect and meditate on my intentions and ask for the blessings that I want in this new calendar year in detail and how they would improve my life. I gave gratitude for the things I already am blessed to have in my life. I feel wonderful today. Whether blessings come and magic enters my life because of my offerings to the Celtic goddess Brigid or not I gained perspective. I improved my environment. I sparked my creativity and passion. I explored and revisited parts of myself and my inner desires. I let go of sh*t I don’t need. I said I’m willing to change and get rid of things not serving me despite being uncomfortable. I received many eye-opening meditations in the process of prepping for this celebration. I received lots of wisdom to continue my growth on my soul’s journey. I might just try to celebrate the rest of these holidays as well because why not? Maybe it’s something I can believe in if its something that inspires me to feel, explore, love, grow, heal, change, and be myself. So yeah, I tried celebrating Imbolc today….
#InCaseYouGiveaSh*t
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